Saturday, 07 August 2021 12:44

Quinton's Corner

Mike Edwards, co-chair of the Helping Father’s Heal affiliate group asked me to speak at their meeting on July 21st. Naturally, in the days leading up to the talk I am thinking more and more about Quinton, what he showed me, his signs and their implications. July 21st came; dressing for work I wore a red dress shirt, one of Quinton’s favorite colors to help me keep my focus during the work day.

Arriving home about an hour before the Zoom meeting, immediately I noticed an unusual occurrence. As I looked out the kitchen window, there was a small hummingbird at the window, flitting around and seemingly looking at me. When I moved to another window, here came the hummingbird and actually peacefully perched on a planter adjacent to the window. I called to my wife, Kristine to come see too. This went on for several minutes as I was reminded of Quinton’s signs during the first several months after he transitioned, when the hummingbirds were doing things they had never done before. Ah, another sign from Quinton as I prepare to join the Zoom call. “Hi Quinton, I love you” – I say out loud.

The meeting begins and there were about fifteen or twenty gentlemen on the call. Mike has done a very nice job creating a safe space to attract more fathers to the group where we can share our pain, struggles and those wonderful signs our children send to us. Helping Parents Heal and its affiliates are about creating that safe place where we help others heal and in doing so further our own healing. I find it fascinating that it works this way; it must be some sort of spiritual constant.

Whenever I speak about our son, I lean heavily on the signs which I initially described as aha moments, all those years ago. When speaking on those spectacular epiphanies, automatically a safe space is provided for others to share the signs they have received. This is always an uplifting conversation, but usually there is a vibe of wanting more signs which is quite natural. We all want more signs as they lift our spirits and demonstrate our child still is. During our talk a gentleman indicated that he doesn’t get signs even though he asks for them. This was a great conversation as other fathers on the call provided guidance and emotional support. Doing my part I offered to meet in person to help him remember or realize the signs he actually has received. As this conversation continued he shared, “well there was this one time when I was discussing my son a shooting star flew across the sky”. We all smiled and said, sounds like a sign to us and a pretty spectacular sign as well! He agreed! Let us acknowledge the signs we are blessed to recognize and remember; only the living send us signs!

Going on I described in great detail the dream visit that occurred about 4 months after Quinton transitioned, as one of the keys to a dream visit is the detail. Dreams are typically blurry, fuzzy and quickly forgotten but dream visits are often described as seemingly real, life-like, having incredible detail, never forgotten which makes the occurrence less a dream and more of a visit. As I described Quinton’s visit with me all those years ago and about 4 months after he transitioned, I described the feeling of catching him when he jumped toward me. I remember the feeling well and described it as “the most amazing sense of peace” as I caught him and held him close. Another gentleman on the call spoke up and thanked me for providing words to describe his experience with his child’s visit. That sense of peace is what our children wish to impart to us, on us and within us.

Mike and gentlemen of Helping Father’s Heal, thank you for asking me to share. I hope and pray doing so, helped you to look at your journey from a slightly different perspective. Remember, only the living send us signs!

Peace,

Published in Quinton's Messages
Saturday, 07 August 2021 12:30

No Coincidences

Late in June Mike Edwards from the Helping Parent’s Heal affiliate group, Helping Father’s Heal reached out to me on messenger, inviting me to speak with the group on July 21st. On the same day, a gentleman I met at Unity of Phoenix last year who interviewed me for his podcast, out of nowhere, sent an animation of a portion of that interview that impacted him the most. Wait…   Also, on that same day, I met with a gentleman named Tom (for those that know me / remember what they heard or read, you may remember the name – Tom). It is no coincidence that all of this happened in one day! I think of our son, Quinton often, but this day was a bit over the top; Quinton is Still Right Here, just like your children are Still Right Here. The challenge of course is to recognize those subtle or not so subtle signs.

During this week, I was taking a teammate to visit three properties we manage together, to introduce her to physical assets and visit with some of the tenants. We left the office at 7:30 and by 8:15 we were almost to the furthest properties. She is relatively new to the company and doesn’t know “us”. After introducing her to Quinton, because that is still what I do, we pulled up alongside a truck driven by an individual I have written about before. I met with this man several months prior, just a couple of days after his step-daughter transitioned. For those that remember, it was an incredibly powerful meeting. So, to meet him on the road out in the middle of nowhere mere minutes after speaking of Quinton was, shall we say, significant! I honked, lowered my window and waived to get his attention. We pulled over together and caught up; he indicated he was coming to see me later in the day, but now didn’t have to. I wrapped him in my arms just like the first time we met, letting him know “we” are always there for him and his partner. Again, not a coincidence that I speak of Quinton and like magic, suddenly my friend is there whom I had introduced to Quinton in the moment he needed an angle, nearly a year prior.

Also this week, our friend and my Brother Jason texted me one evening; Jason shared that I had at least one more challenge to face and also told me Quinton was with him. I was sitting on the couch with my lovely wife Kristine watching Loki on the tube as this text conversation was taking place. My brother went on to describe how Quinton chose to reveal his physical appearance to him. I read what he shared with Kristine and she beamed, saying “I can see him looking just like that now”, after twelve years since he transitioned (I often wonder what he would look like now). And if that isn’t enough, just last night, Quinton came to Kristine while she slept and said, “Mom”. Woke her out of a deep sleep and she responded “What”? She was grateful for his sign, given how busy she has been. We both are grateful. While I can’t tell you exactly what it means, I can say there is a lot going on in our lives currently so knowing he is with us is comforting.

I don’t mind telling you, I struggle more and more with these columns. I have been speaking and writing for twelve years; I tire of hearing my voice say the same things and to see much the same words being printed on the screen. I do neither for me, only for you. The message in the words, whether spoken or written is sacred. Through the trials and tribulations, and through our collective pain comes the epiphany I still desperately share with you. Damn it – “There is NO DEATH, only a TRANSITION” and “KNOW THERE IS MORE”. Like it or not, you and me, our path exposes us to this sacred original truth known since the beginning and forgotten by most, only to be forced upon us now. And I will leave you with this, once you, as an individual remember this sacred lesson, be prepared to share the knowledge born out of tragedy with another when called upon to do so. That sharing starts by just being present while another is in pain; be with them and listen, then share if they too need to know – There Is More.

We love you and are here for you along our shared sacred journeys of discovery.

Namaste,

Published in Quinton's Messages