Wednesday, 10 April 2019 08:01

What is Next

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Quinton’s ten year angleversary is nearly here; maybe that is why I have gone inward, reflecting and reaching deeper. I remember like it was yesterday, the accident, the signs and the epiphanies; and I remember the reading of oh so many books.  All together, they were a splashing of bright and vibrant color on the blank canvas of my soul, in my absolute darkest hour.  While the signs and epiphanies lifted my spirits, the reading helped me begin to focus my attention and begin to make sense of how it all was possible.

Down the rabbit hole I leapt, just like many of you. The sensation of Quinton holding my hand thirty hours after he transitioned and his coming to a Medicine Man five days after the accident to get a message to us, fueled my journey.  We didn’t have Helping Parents Heal, so I went to a well-known book store, the Tattered Cover on Colfax in Denver, selecting books that spoke to me.  While reading the first book, I came across a passage that compared death to coming home from a long day, going into your closet and striping off your dirty clothes and getting into something more comfortable; only with death we go home and peel off our physical bodies.  This impacted me so profoundly as it illustrated death is only a transition, a crossing a threshold, a peeling off of a physical body and then a continuation in a different form.  For me, somehow afraid of even the concept of death at the time, this thought was completely incredible.  And so the journey began in earnest, as does yours.

Over the years, I have noticed truth can be found anywhere, in non-fiction and fiction alike, for instance, take the Celestine Prophecy. Again, understand the mindset.  I was looking for information, for answers and for a deeper understanding of how Quinton was still alive and able to send me signs. My hunger for this knowledge was insatiable; I read what I was called to read and read what was given to me in most cases.  Celestine Prophecy falls in the latter category.  It was this book, by James Redfield that identified the significance of coincidences, as they most typically indicate a connection to something or a message of some kind.  As an example of how this works, when you think of your loved one on the other side, suddenly a butterfly, or humming bird or dragon fly or anything for that seems unusual suddenly appears. For many, the thought is – what a coincidence, but we know better now, don’t we.

The reading was vital to me for a season, a season lasting possibly five years. During that time, there was another key element to my processing the information and pain.  Physical exercise helped me immeasurably because even though an amazing community wrapped both Kristine and I in its arms, we still were not connected to Helping Parents Heal.  The physical exertion helped my purge some of the grief as I grunted, groaned and felt the high from the endorphins.  We talk of Light and Love, of Knowledge and Peace, but still we must cry or do something to process the heaviness of grief.  The fellowship of speaking with others on this path was equally beneficial.

Ten years later, the quiet returns. Having grown tired of the sound of my voice, being outside with nature, sitting in silence and listening, feeling, enjoying and noticing all that is going on around me – is a welcoming Peace.  You see, we already KNOW, and in that knowing, now I endeavor to just BE.  We know that Quinton IS but a thought away; we know how to hear him when that faint whisper or sign comes. We have a greater sense of why we remain and recognition that sometimes it is he on the keyboard or quietly in my head with ideas of how to help others or what must be shared. 

What comes next? An even greater sense of peace and an even greater sense of just being, while being present to hear from our son; and this I wish for you as well.  Our children are but a focused thought away, and with their whispers, may your Knowing and Inner Peace multiplied untold times.

Namaste

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