Saturday, 30 September 2017 10:22

A Good Day

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Today was a good day.  Amidst the busyness and turmoil, I stayed calm.  I looked calm from the outside, but more importantly, I was calm on the inside.  And this is a gift.  No, this is more than a gift, this is a momentous, a huge step in the right direction. Every day is an opportunity to learn, grow and make progress toward our intended life lessons.  One of mine, believe it or not, is to find true peace, a deeper peace than I may have ever known.

Where does this perspective come from, you might ask?  Our son, Quinton Stone Jackson provided us with this gift – the gift of knowledge.  You see, Quinton showed us that he is an eternal being and it follows, so am I and so are we.  In realizing that I am eternal, I have no choice but to look at my life differently and look at my struggles differently.  I look at my reoccurring cycles differently.

My thinking goes something like this.  First I must acknowledged my reoccurring cycle, one being I have a physical reaction to feeling like a failure or not knowing or feeling comfortable with a task. You see, I want to know what I am doing to the point of perfection.  My dear old Dad knew this about me when I was in my early twenties; he knew I had a need to feel special.  Feeling like I don’t know what I am doing or worse, like a failure – I am a mess. My chest gets tight, my throat gets tight and my heart races.

After Quinton transitioned, I knew I was destined for something else, but I fought it.  At least three times I went back to what I knew and each time it was worse.  Each time I had to learn more and was thrust further out of my comfort zone; and I fought it every step of the way.  And the tightness in my chest and throat worsened, and my heart raced.  And then I said enough and it was time for another leap of faith.

I am eternal, so it is written and so has Quinton shown us this.  He loves us so much that he signed up to demonstrate this divine knowledge, again.  And I am still here in the physical world and so much that I do is out of my comfort zone or used to be out of my comfort zone.  With that said, I figured that I might as well change careers and if I must (sometimes kicking and screaming) continue to learn, I might as well go into business for myself.

And here the lesson takes hold. I am slowly learning to not only ask for help, but to feel okay doing so.  I am learning to listen to that quiet voice (either my intuition and or spirit) as opposed to charging blindly forward. I still wade in, thinking I can remedy any situation, but I will have to reconcile that it isn’t my responsibility to fix everything for everybody. It isn’t failure when others don’t want my version of success.  Oh boy, that is a big one.

I think I am learning to let it come to me while I am engaged with the world, whatever it is and be at peace with it.  And while there, don’t be hesitant to ask questions and seek help.  This too is big for me as I have so often thought I had to go it alone.

I am learning my lessons.  Yesterday was a good day! 

Blessings,

p.s. – Why share?  Who cares what I think and what I am going through and maybe learning.  Because, maybe some can apply this perspective to their own lives. 

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