Saturday, 07 August 2021 12:44

Quinton's Corner

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Mike Edwards, co-chair of the Helping Father’s Heal affiliate group asked me to speak at their meeting on July 21st. Naturally, in the days leading up to the talk I am thinking more and more about Quinton, what he showed me, his signs and their implications. July 21st came; dressing for work I wore a red dress shirt, one of Quinton’s favorite colors to help me keep my focus during the work day.

Arriving home about an hour before the Zoom meeting, immediately I noticed an unusual occurrence. As I looked out the kitchen window, there was a small hummingbird at the window, flitting around and seemingly looking at me. When I moved to another window, here came the hummingbird and actually peacefully perched on a planter adjacent to the window. I called to my wife, Kristine to come see too. This went on for several minutes as I was reminded of Quinton’s signs during the first several months after he transitioned, when the hummingbirds were doing things they had never done before. Ah, another sign from Quinton as I prepare to join the Zoom call. “Hi Quinton, I love you” – I say out loud.

The meeting begins and there were about fifteen or twenty gentlemen on the call. Mike has done a very nice job creating a safe space to attract more fathers to the group where we can share our pain, struggles and those wonderful signs our children send to us. Helping Parents Heal and its affiliates are about creating that safe place where we help others heal and in doing so further our own healing. I find it fascinating that it works this way; it must be some sort of spiritual constant.

Whenever I speak about our son, I lean heavily on the signs which I initially described as aha moments, all those years ago. When speaking on those spectacular epiphanies, automatically a safe space is provided for others to share the signs they have received. This is always an uplifting conversation, but usually there is a vibe of wanting more signs which is quite natural. We all want more signs as they lift our spirits and demonstrate our child still is. During our talk a gentleman indicated that he doesn’t get signs even though he asks for them. This was a great conversation as other fathers on the call provided guidance and emotional support. Doing my part I offered to meet in person to help him remember or realize the signs he actually has received. As this conversation continued he shared, “well there was this one time when I was discussing my son a shooting star flew across the sky”. We all smiled and said, sounds like a sign to us and a pretty spectacular sign as well! He agreed! Let us acknowledge the signs we are blessed to recognize and remember; only the living send us signs!

Going on I described in great detail the dream visit that occurred about 4 months after Quinton transitioned, as one of the keys to a dream visit is the detail. Dreams are typically blurry, fuzzy and quickly forgotten but dream visits are often described as seemingly real, life-like, having incredible detail, never forgotten which makes the occurrence less a dream and more of a visit. As I described Quinton’s visit with me all those years ago and about 4 months after he transitioned, I described the feeling of catching him when he jumped toward me. I remember the feeling well and described it as “the most amazing sense of peace” as I caught him and held him close. Another gentleman on the call spoke up and thanked me for providing words to describe his experience with his child’s visit. That sense of peace is what our children wish to impart to us, on us and within us.

Mike and gentlemen of Helping Father’s Heal, thank you for asking me to share. I hope and pray doing so, helped you to look at your journey from a slightly different perspective. Remember, only the living send us signs!


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